Thoughts On Life And Livin'

10 ways to speed up your pc

2012-02-03T05:21:00.000-08:00

*Defrag* 
Your PC stores files in different parts of your hard drive, as programs are extended and new files created over deleted ones. This process is called file fragmentation. An easy way to make your PC run faster is to make it easier for your hard drive to find the files it needs, speeding up direct read times. To run your Defragmenter, go to Start -> Control Panel -> System and Maintenance -> click 'Rearrange items on your hard disk to make programs run faster'.

*Turn off autoplay*
The Windows autoplay function is handy if you want to start a DVD or open a USB stick as soon as you insert the device in to the PC. However, if you use external devices with a lot of data stored on them, Windows will slow down considerably to open these automatically, every time you insert them. If you would prefer to do this manually, turn off the autoplay function by following these steps: Start -> Run -> type gpedit.msc and push Enter -> Computer Configuration -> Administrative Templates -> System -> double-click Turn off autoplay -> Enable -> select All drives in the drop-down list.

*Clear prefetch files*
One of Windows's ways of speeding itself up is to store important parts of programs in a folder called Prefetch. The Prefetch folder allows Windows to quickly access programs you run often. This folder can become a burden when it fills up with files you've opened just once, using up your PC's memory for a duplicated file it won't use again. To open your Prefetch folder, go to Start -> Run and enter prefetch in the dialog box. This will bring up all the files. You can delete them all without concern. The files you use everyday will be restored next time you boot up your PC.

*Turn off optional Windows apps* 
If you notice long delays to open a program, it's possible you have a previously opened app running on an endless loop, not shutting down. This eats up all your processing power without you realizing it. To fix this, open Task Manager, right click on the program and select Set Priority -> Below Normal. This gives your other programs priority for your PC's processing resources.

*Visual performance* 
Maximize your memory for running your programs, not making the desktop look pretty. Go to Start -> Control Panel -> System Preferences -> Advanced -> Performance -> Select the radio button 'Adjust for best performance'

*Increase RAM*
If you really want to see a big improvement in your PC's performance, you could consider boosting your RAM. Your Random Access Memory is the part of your computer that runs the programs you have open. The more RAM you have, the more programs you can use -- and the faster they will run. Upgrading your RAM means taking your PC to your local computer shop, where they will change the hardware for you.

*Disable unused ports *
Save memory by turning off the programs you don't need when your PC boots up. This will stop Windows from finding and reading unnecessary apps at bootup, for example, the USB drive or CD-rom drive. Go to Start -> Control Panel -> Performance and Maintenance -> System -> Hardware -> Device Manager. You'll see a list of devices Windows reads on startup. Double click one you don't want (COM 1 is the communications port for the USB), then select the dropdown box 'Do not use this device (disable)'.

*Check your firewall*
It's possible a slow PC is the victim of a malicious program or virus, sometimes called 'malware' or 'spyware'. Spyware keeps tabs on the information on your computer and may transmit it to thieves to use your credit card data or similar personal information. Check now if your firewall is turned on. Follow Start -> Control Panel -> Network and Internet Connections -> Windows Firewall.

Spyware will slow your PC down significantly and if you've got it, you should get rid of it immediately with an antivirus program.

*Clear your registry*
The registry is like a library, storing your computer's programs. With time, as programs are added and removed, and everyday programs opened more frequently than others, your registry ends up disorganized with files scattered everywhere. An old or cluttered registry will cause crashes and blue screen lags. Check out an instant registry cleaner here.

7 ways to stop a slow pc

2012-02-02T05:58:00.000-08:00

As you use your computer regularly, over time you collect old data and parts of old programs that stick around and slow your computer down.

What if you could run your computer like the day you first took it out of the box?

Here are 7 simple steps you can take to fix a slow PC in minutes.

*1. Backup your data*
One of the easiest steps you can take is improve your storage space. If you store all your large files like movies, music and photos on an external hard drive or burn them to CD, you'll leave more room for your computer to find what it needs when you open a program. Saving space makes your computer run faster.

*2. Empty your Recycle Bin*
If you don't need a file, get rid of it. Not just to your recycle bin, but for good. Leaving your recycle bin full of old files means you're leaving rubbish in the path of programs that you use every day. Emptying your recycle bin of old files will make it easier -- and faster -- for your computer to open the program you want.

*3. Uninstall old programs*
With time, a regular computer user will have a dozen or so programs on their hard drive that had a purpose for a particular task, but haven't been opened for a long time. Removing these is easy and frees your computer up for the jobs you need it for.

To find and remove old programs, go to Start - Control Panel - Uninstall a program (Vista), or XP users, follow Start - Control Panel - Add/Remove Programs. This path will show you a list of familiar programs, some of which you may no longer have a use for. Click on the program, then select 'Uninstall'.

*4. Remove temporary files*
Just as you want to clear your Recycle Bin daily, it's also a good idea to find and remove files that you don't need. For example, you may have documents that were relevant several months ago but their use has passed. Another example is images. You will download a lot of images attached to emails, such as a signature file. These have no use to you, but they take up room on your computer. To clear your old and unnecessary files, go to Start - All Programs - Accessories - System Tools - Disk Cleanup and select the files you want to remove.

*5. Run System Recovery*
If you suffer from a relatively new PC that is chronically slow, get a new computer in a minutes by restoring your PC to the same factory settings you enjoyed when you took it out of the box. System Recovery will wipe your hard drive clean, taking all the slow bugs -- and your data -- with it. This is the nuclear option.

Use System Recovery AFTER you have backed up your important data onto an external hard drive or CD. To access System Recovery, enter your Windows install CD into your drive and follow the instructions.

*6. Check your firewall*
It's possible a slow PC is the victim of a malicious program or virus, sometimes called 'malware' or 'spyware'. Spyware keeps tabs on the information on your computer and may transmit it to thieves to use your credit card data or similar personal information. Check now if your firewall is turned on. Follow Start - Control Panel - Network and Internet Connections - Windows Firewall.

Spyware will slow your PC down significantly and if you've got it, you should get rid of it immediately with an antivirus program.

*7. Clear your registry*
The registry is like your computer's library that stores your programs. With time, as some programs are added and removed, and everyday programs opened more frequently than others, your registry ends up disorganized with files scattered everywhere. An old or cluttered registry will cause crashes and blue screen lags. Check out an instant registry cleaner here.

Selection of Quotes For Your Timeline (6)

2011-12-13T05:03:00.000-08:00

I have a huge selection of quotes that I have collected over the years, and I’d like to make them available to you. They are all tailored, i.e. they have never more than 140 characters (including attribution).

I will post them occasionally, in batches of twenty or so. Make sure to bookmark this blog and to come back often. Fell free to copy and paste them into your time line - make somebody’s day!

Two things I’d like to ask you in return:

a. Share them as freely as they have been shared with me and as I’m sharing them with you – a pot of gold needs a little sun to shine.

b. Sometimes it’s impossible to ascertain whether it’s just a joke, a popular saying or proverb, or whether it’s a quote that should be attributed. I have given my best to do so whenever appropriate, but should you come across a quote that I haven’t attributed or have attributed incorrectly, could you please drop a message in the comment box below?

Enjoy!

I envy paranoids; they actually feel people are paying attention to them. - Susan Sontag

It's ok to kiss a fool, it's ok to let a fool kiss you, but never let a kiss fool you.

Maturity doesn't come with age. It begins with the acceptance of responsibility. - Ed Cole

Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

We do not remember days, we remember moments. ~ Cesare Pavese

When you are too busy to smile, you are way too busy.

The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart as men, but that we agree to meet them halfway. - B. Avishai

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research. - Wilson Mizner

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid. - Walter Winchell

I've failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. ~ Michael Jordan

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. ~ Beverly Sills

Solitude is impractical and yet society is fatal. - Emerson

Last words are for fools who haven't said enough. - Karl Marx

There is only one moment in time when it is necessary to awaken.That moment is now. ~ Gotama Buddha

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it…… - George Carlin

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that. ~ Mark Twain

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Pretty much all the honest truth-telling there is in the world is done by children. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's. - Will Rogers

Selection of Quotes For Your Timeline (5)

2011-12-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

a. Share them as freely as they have been shared with me and as I’m sharing them with you – a pot of gold needs a little sun to shine.

Enjoy!

Before I speak, I have something important to say. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Our hope of immortality does not come from any religions, but nearly all religions come from that hope. - Robert Green Ingersoll

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once. - Albert Einstein

If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else. ~ Yogi Berra

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died. - Steven Wright

Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think. - Dale Carnegie

Nature never makes any blunders, when she makes a fool, she means it. - Archibald Alexander

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop. - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. - Ray Bradbury

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. - Benjamin Franklin

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future too much.

The cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. - Oscar Wilde

Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. - R. A. Dickson

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. - Jeff Marder

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~ John Barrymore

Selection of Quotes For Your Timeline (4)

2011-12-13T04:38:00.000-08:00

a. Share them as freely as they have been shared with me and as I’m sharing them with you – a pot of gold needs a little sun to shine.

Enjoy!

Don't let someone else's opinion of you become your reality. - Les Brown

Technology is the knack of so arranging the world that we don't have to experience it. - Max Frisch

Until you make peace with who you are you’ll never be content with what you have. - Doris Mortman

People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. ~ John C. Maxwell

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

If people talk behind your back, it only means you are two steps ahead. - Fannie Flagg

Before, you needed a PhD to be an expert on giving life advice. Now, all you need is a Twitter account……

Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be. ~ David Bly

Many have quarreled about religion that never practiced it. - Benjamin Franklin

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. - Paul Ehrlich

I fear God, and next to God I chiefly fear him who fears Him not. - Saadi

We're drowning in information and starving for knowledge. - Rutherford D. Rogers

Frame every so-called disaster with these words..."Will this matter five years from now?"

Control your destiny, or somebody else will. - Jack Welsh

In times of rapid change, experience could be your worst enemy. – Paul Ghetty

The following sentence is true: The previous sentence is false.

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. - Howard Aiken

Love is not blind. In fact, it sees more, not less; but because it sees more it chooses to see less.

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

Selection of Quotes For Your Timeline (3)

2011-12-12T05:35:00.000-08:00

a. Share them as freely as they have been shared with me and as I’m sharing them with you – a pot of gold needs a little sun to shine.

Enjoy!

A man's intelligence does not increase as he acquires power. What does increase is the difficulty in telling him so. - D. Southerland

I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. An by then it's time for my nap.

The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that it’s difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine. – Abraham Lincoln

You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think. - Elbert Hubbard

Winter is nature's way of saying "Up yours." - Robert Byrne

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business. - Michael J. Fox

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

The law is a strange thing. It makes a man swear to tell the truth, and every time he shows signs of doing so, some lawyer objects.

Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. - Elbert Hubbard

Sometimes it seems to me that we never really grow up - we only learn how to act in public.

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. - Zig Zigla

Don't trust the heart, it wants your blood. - Stanislaw Lec

Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers. - Voltaire

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

I don't know where I'm going, but I know I am going there in style!

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well............ yes or no?

There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get off the thing that he was educated in. - Will Rogers

Very effective technique to make you feel better

2011-12-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

(This post was inspired by a DM exchange with Daisy Martell. Please follow her here.)

The basics: Our quality of life is in my humble opinion not determined by what we have nor by what we are. It is determined by how we feel on a consistent basis. If I’m poor economically, but still feel good about myself and my family, the financial conondrums really go into the back of my mind, they make me feel bad on a far less important level. .

If I have a health problem, let’s say diabetes, but still feel good about the quality of my work, that makes me feel a lot better because I’m focusing on the positive aspects of my life.

And that’s the crunch point, because what we focus on on a consistent level, what we think about, in turn determines how we feel.

So if I permanently focus on the negative aspects of my life it has become clear now that that would make me feel lousy.

How to focus on the positive aspects of your life?

I’ve set up a list were I write down whenever something I am grateful for pops up in my head, whenever I think something positive.

And working on that list makes my mind automatically search for the nuggets in my life. And it’s surprising how many there are.

And it’s fun. Whenever my emotional body decides to look at the bleak sides of life, I simply counter it by looking at my list.

Try it out, it works.

Selection of Quotes For Your Timeline (2)

2011-12-11T06:03:00.000-08:00

a. Share them as freely as they have been shared with me and as I’m sharing them with you – a pot of gold needs a little sun to shine.

Enjoy!

Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people. - Philip Guedalla

When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.

Focus on the possibilities for success, not on the potential for failure. ~ Napoleon Hill

Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking. - Jackson Browne

Either I will find a way, or I will make one. - Philip Sidney

Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean - against doors, tables, walls…….

The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while you finish your work. - Pat Clafford

Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind. - Eric Hoffer

I don't give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it is hell. - Harry S. Truman

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now. - Cassandra Clare

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

I just want to know God's thoughts - the rest are really details. – Albert Einstein

The place I live in is so small I have to go outside to change my mind……

A friend will help you hide the body. A true friend will help you get rid of witnesses.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. – Mark Twain

Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.

It is not what we get. But who we become, what we contribute... that gives meaning to our lives. ~ Anthony Robbins

This is a court of law, young man, not a court of justice. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

Life is not about the people who act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back.

The greatest good we can do for others is not to share our riches with them but to reveal theirs to them. - Zig Ziglar

My do’s and do not’s on Twitter (1)

2011-12-10T17:52:00.000-08:00

They are out there the ‘Follow please ===> @’ or '#FF' tweets, particularly on #followfriday. In fact, on Fridays I sometimes get the feeling that half of my timeline is filled with them.

I find them of very limited use if they are tweeted out with the expectation that the number of followers grows. The impact of these tweets is practically nil in my experience.

Several times I checked up on it, when giving a solo shout-out to somebody I wanted to support. I logged into their profile before tweeting the shoutout, and watched their follower count. After ten minutes one, maybe two of my followers had followed them.

Now, you might say that’s because my influence on Twitter sucks…… hmmmm

Communication on twitter is mostly of an indirect nature. More than anything else these ‘Follow please ===> @’ are coded communication. They translate to ‘Hey, I like what you’re doing’ or ‘Cool stuff you tweet’ or simply ‘I’m with you on this’.

For a long time I included everybody who gave me a shoutout in MY shoutouts, basically out of courtesy. But that’s become impractical because of the sheer number of users who include me nowadays in their shoutouts.

I had to make a choice, and now I’m including those who are RT’ ing me or are making a direct, pertinent comment on my tweets.

(New to this? An RT (re-tweet) is when somebody copies my tweet and put’s RT @Georg_Grey in front or at the end of it. People do that when they particularly like a tweet as in, for example: RT @Georg_Grey: If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?) .

To sum up, shoutouts are useless when implemented as a tool to grow the follower base. They are, however, like RT’s, a great tool of indirect communication.

Selection of Quotes For Your Timeline (1)

2011-12-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

a. Share them as freely as they have been shared with me and as I’m sharing them with you – a pot of gold needs a little sun to shine.

Enjoy!

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can't understand.

Happiness is a Swedish sunset — it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it. - Mark Twain

Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. - Abraham Lincoln

You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. - Ayn Rand

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. - Baltasar Gracian

The turtle makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. - James Bryant Conant

I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. ~ Edwin Louis Cole

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Honk if you like peace and quiet.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out. - Michael Burke

It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do. – Moliere

You’re never a loser until you quit trying. - Mike Ditka

We do not quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing. - Oliver Holmes

It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it. - Norman Schwarzkopf

To betray you must first belong. - Harold Philby

How To Learn A Foreign Language

2011-10-03T14:42:00.001-07:00

First let me briefly explain where my qualifications for this particular article come from. Way back when I went to school, I was terrible with languages. I went to a school in Germany where English was a compulsory subject, and as a second language one could either choose Latin or French. And I was absolutely useless! In fact, I had to repeat two grades because of my miserable grades in English and Latin. I threw in the towel when I was just about to repeat another grade and run the danger of ending up in the same class with kids that were three years younger than I.

Now, at the age of 52, I speak a total of three languages fluently. In fact, it went almost up to four, but the first foreign language I learned to speak was Greek, and that I don’t speak right now, since it was at the beginning of the eighties that I spent a couple of years in Greece. If I would go back now it would take me probably three month to speak it again, since you never forget a language. They get stored away when not used continuously, and it’s like a file that has been hidden away somewhere on your computer.

I started developing myself as a language teacher in 1989 in Mexico-City, and that’s what I’ve been doing ever since. I work freelance, because that’s where I’m best. I don’t approve of most language teaching methods as applied by modern language schools, and it will become more transparent why in the course of this article.

Let’s start with the basics.

We don’t think in words, but in images or concepts. A toddler who gets too close to the kitchen stove and touches it will experience immediately the meaning of what is called in English ‘hot’. It’s through his physical pain that he learns that particular reality. And the concept of ‘heat’ has been literally burned into his mind.

A totally different, and at least in this context, secondary issue is his mother’s reaction to the approaching toddler. She cries out in panic ‘ Be careful, it’s hot!’ For the toddler the word ‘hot’ is nothing more than a sound that comes out of his mother’s mouth. Mind you, it’s not a word for him yet, he doesn’t understand at this stage what a word is. And it’s this sound that he will henceforth associate with the physical pain he experienced. He knows what ‘hot’ means!

A German mother would have cried ‘heiss’, the Mexican mother ‘caliente’; it doesn’t really matter for the toddler, since again it’s just a sound to him. Our parents teach us our mother language through different sounds (words) that we learn to associate with certain aspects of our environment and our experiences.

I remember my and my siblings’ disbelief when our father told us that German was not the easiest language, that in fact it was one of the more difficult ones to learn. Of course we were young then, but it shows you the state of mind children have when dealing with language.

So it’s important to understand that we associate sounds with meaning, which might be an objective meaning (a table is a table is a table….) or a more subjective meaning when using the word ‘friend’ or ‘love’. Both words are colored on the one hand by our culture (their use in English is far more common as in German, for example, I’d think twice before I’d call somebody ‘friend’ in German, whereas in English or Spanish it’s far closer to the word ‘acquaintance’).

If you have already learned a foreign language, or you are in the process of it, you will inevitable feel that you are translating one language into the other. And that’s the fundamental mistake most people make. They confuse the process of taking the word ‘cold’, if English is their first language, then rummaging in their files for its meaning (which is obviously not necessary) and then allocating to that meaning the sound (word) that corresponds to it in the foreign language they are learning. An understandable process, but useless, it seems.

It’s precisely this process the language teaching technique of ‘total immersion’ tries to avoid. And it makes sense. Why use words of your mother tongue in a learning experience when you can just put a corresponding word to your concept or experience in the second language you are learning? In total immersion translation is to be avoided, students are confronted with the new language through real life situations.

How To Avoid A Divorce

2011-10-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

My feeling is that if you are reading this article you are concerned. It might be your own marriage that’s pretty rocky right now; it might be the marriage of one of your children or a friend’s marriage. I will address here one of the most fundamental reasons why relationships break up or why people get a divorce. And I will try to describe a technique with which relationships of all kinds, but in particular marriages, can be saved.

I will not go into detail about specific problems a marriage might be having, be it the children, the money or sexuality. The scope of this article simply doesn’t provide for it. I will, however, talk in detail about communication problems. Without an effective communication no problem that is shared by two or more people, as is the case when a divorce looms on the horizon, can be solved.

Have you ever felt that you simply can’t get through to the other person? You try to tell and explain, but whatever it is that you say seems to fall on deaf ears? You talk and talk, think about ways how to say what it is you want to explain, and it just doesn’t work? And you have this real negative feeling of impotence, because if you can’t even make yourself understood, how on earth can you solve the problem which has to be solved?

Might it be possible that your spouse feels exactly the same way? He or she can’t get through to you? My hallucination is that this is precisely the case, even though you might have not seen it this way so far.

Let’s step back for a second and do some imagination. Imagine that you stand in a container, visualize a barrel, an aquarium, whatever. You stand in that container and the space within is shared not only by your thoughts, but by your emotions as well. It will be obvious by now that the more emotional we are, the less space we have at our disposal for our rational thoughts.

If we are only slightly ‘charged’ with emotions, let’s say they come up to our ankles; the more space is left that allows us to act on a rational level. Imagine now that the level of emotions goes up to our waist – it is becoming more and more difficult to move, isn’t it? We literally have to wade through that mass of emotions, and we begin to say stupid things or act foolishly.

Let’s take this a step further, you have it up to your neck. You’re fighting for survival, your emotions run the show, and there is next to nothing left for rational thought. That’s when we go crazy, which might lead to verbal abuse or violence.

In order to lower this dangerous level of emotions and regain space for our thoughts, there is only one way – we have to feel understood. But we don’t have to feel understood on a rational level. That’s pretty easy, your next door neighbor, if you would talk to him or her, would probably understand the facts of your problem. We have to feel understood by what the problem at hand is doing to us, the other party has to understand how it makes us feel!

And once we feel understood, when deep down in our guts we feel that the other person is understanding us completely, not just the facts but what the problem at hand is doing to us, then we are on our way. Because, then, and only then, a magic valve opens at the bottom of the container we stand in, all those emotions and confusions can run out of the container, thus giving us space again for rational thought.

Now, here is the bad news. You are the proactive person, you’re reading this article, you are looking for solutions, and you want to save your marriage. And you have to take the first step.

Because remember what I said above? I said that you are the one who doesn’t feel understood. But I said as well that your partner is feeling most likely exactly the same. So you have to forget yourself for a moment (or for some long moments) here and initiate the process by trying to really understand what your spouse is going through. You will need some strength of character for that, but my hallucination is that you have it.

Talk to him, and try to find out what the situation is doing to your partner, how she is feeling. It won’t be easy, in fact, you might find resistance, depending on how far down the road the relationship has progressed so far, and your partner (particularly if he is a man) might even get suspicious.

Go on, anyway, and explain what you are trying to do. Invite her to tell you in detail not what’s bothering him (you know that anyway), but what’s it doing to her on an emotional level. Put yourself in his place, wear her shoes, see and perceive reality as he perceives and feels it.

You might not get it in the beginning. So give feedback, ask questions. That gives him a chance to elaborate, maybe correct you. And do that until you feel exactly the way she feels. And once he perceives that, then she will feel really understood, because he can sense that you are on the same emotional level as she is.

By all means, ask for reciprocity, just don’t do it there and then. Give it a day or two, mull things over, and then ask your partner to listen to you. Bets are he will, because she probably still loves you and wants you to feel as nice (meaning free from negative emotions) as you made feel her.

Remember, us humans being rational beings is basically a fallacy. We are only rational when we are not emotional. Sounds absurd, I know, and it doesn’t only apply to negative emotions. Have you ever been blindly in love and done some stupid things? My guess is that yes, and here you go. So let’s work on getting rid of these negative emotions, make space for thoughts and this way find a rational solution with which both of you can live, and not only live on a rational level, but on an emotional as well.

The more you complain the longer God makes you live

2011-09-29T05:01:00.001-07:00

Things are different down here in Mexico.

I arrived here not by design, but because I was hitchhiking in the U.S. And some truck driver dumped me near the Mexican border. I thought, well, check it out. That was in 1989…..

I started to notice that ‘things were different’ when I set up a language school in the heart of Mexico-City. I did it all legally and officially, a lot of red tape, and a huge learning curve. And I was continually complaining, about this, that and the other.

Let me say in my defense that I was ‘only’ thirty at the time, a lad having a ball, having a go at striking it rich.

However, the emotional energy I wasted by complaining about things which I couldn’t change still surprises me.

Nowadays I don’t complain anymore (well, almost never). First of all, I got in a rut, after 22 years I know which way the wind blows.

Secondly, and more importantly, I’m simply too mature by now to complain. The order of the day for me now is to work around the problems I cannot solve – and I got pretty good at that.

The Practical Value Of Faith

2011-09-27T05:42:00.001-07:00

Let me start this entry with a curiosum. As far as I know, and I was born and raised in Germany, I am, in fact, a German, there is no exact equivalent to the English word “faith”, or indeed the Spanish word “fé” in the German language. I have elsewhere written about the pitfalls of translation, but here it is clear, “faith” and “fé” mean exactly the same, mainly the evidence of things not seen. And that paradigm, that concept does not exist in the German psyche. Unless I just haven’t come across it, which I find hard to believe.

Whatever, this entry is about the kind of faith even an atheist or agnostic can have. We tend to associate faith mainly with one or another religion, a deity, you name it. But it is basically an inner attitude of hope and believe, a certainty that things will turn out all-right. And of course, that inner attitude lends itself readily when associated with belief in God, a life thereafter, etc.

I personally have been a disciple/practitioner of various religions over the years, but faith has eluded me. But I’m working hard on getting it. Why? Because it hit me kind of recently, and it’s very simple: people with faith are having a better time!

I don’t want to fall into clichés like ‘cup half empty' or 'cup half full’ and stuff like that. That was pretty cool in the nineties, but it has kind of worn itself out. But at this stage of my life I have come to realize that it absolutely doesn’t matter how I see the future.

Things happen the way they happen, good and bad, bingo, it’s called life. And I have to invest the same emotional energie for expecting good things to happen or bad. And since it doesn’t make a difference, I might as well go for the good stuff – at least I’m having a better time on the trip.

If you can’t be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped

2011-09-22T05:19:00.001-07:00

Victor Frankl, the founder of logo-therapy, made an interesting point in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning”. He said something to the effect that happiness can, at least partially, be defined by the negative situations (emotional, physical, etc.) that we DON’T experience.

That flies obviously into the face of all that has been taught us by the personal development gurus of the nineties. According to them we’re supposed to establish our goals, focus on them, work towards them, reach them and be happy.

I understand that this is a over-simplification. But yes, we are supposed to be pro-active and thus reach a stage of contentment.

That implies that we use our minds for defining our goals, visualize them and work towards them, taking away our focus from all the un-happiness that abounds. It’s the mind we have to put to work first, followed by action.

But the mind (at least MY mind) has a funny way of forgetting all the negative stuff that happened to me. That appears to be some kind of defense mechanism; otherwise we simply would be over-loaded with memories of unpleasant things.

That has, however, its drawbacks. I may find myself with a minor problem and resolve to solve it. A physical problem, let’s say, a fatigue that befell me a couple of weeks back. I decided to change my nutritional intake and do some exercises. Problem solved.

I forget the whole thing and thus deprive myself of the simple happiness of knowing that I am a healthy person. I could, after all, be suffering from a congenital illness, have some disability, you name it. But I don’t, and just take it for granted.

Gratitude appears to be the emotion that most successful people name as their driving force for continuing on their path. And there is so much to be grateful for. The fact that you’re reading this article shows, to begin with, that you are literate.

Most people on this planet are not.

It shows that you have spare time to browse the Internet, read and learn while you’re sipping a coffee.

Most people on this planet do not know the concept of ‘spare’ time.

It shows that you have access to electricity, not only for your computer.

There are millions and millions on this planet who, if they know how to read, have to do it by candle light after the sun has set.

We take so much for granted, and I for one like to pause once in a while to reflect on the simple grace of having all that I have.

I never let schooling interfere with my education

2011-09-20T05:24:00.000-07:00

I was a total failure at school, which I attended in my home country Germany in the sixties and seventies. I mean I didn’t even manage to finish high-school. One of my greatest hang-ups were languages.

In fact, I had to repeat several grades because I was so lousy at English and Latin. My classmates were at the tender age of 15 when I decided, being 19 at the time, to kiss the whole thing good-bye.

I’ve learned over the past 30 years three foreign languages. In fact, the first one I learned, Greek, when I was living in Greece, I have forgotten already. So much for my hang-up with languages.

However, at the age of 14, I started reading the newspapers – every day. Nobody told me to do so, there was no reward, I couldn’t even impress the girls with my knowledge of current affairs – I just did it.

It had, however, a great impact on my social sciences lesson, or, as it was called in Germany at that time, politics classes. There I reigned, entered into hot debates with my teachers, and got the best grades.

That didn’t help me though with my grades in the subjects that counted, like mathematics, let’s say….

Over the years I’ve given English and German conversation classes to a host of people that were a lot older than me at the time. They were mostly educated, high-level executives in multinational companies in Mexico-City.

The classes all started with the same pattern. I prepared a class, looked up a topic (usually related to economics and business in general) and prepared exercises. After the first five or so classes there was no need for me anymore to either bring any material or prepare a lesson plan. I just showed up, they (or their secretaries) served me my coffee, and we had a long chat.

Those chats covered a whole variety of subjects, and they were always held in the language I was supposed to be teaching (they had, after all, to justify somehow to the human resources department the money I got paid….)

With some of them I worked literally for years, twice a week, in their office. I must have given them something!

My real education is a life-education. I am widely read, know a lot about history, particularly that of the 20^th century, know even more about business, and I’m an expert in personal development.

So I don’t know. There must be something I must have learned over the years, but whatever it is, I didn’t learn it at school.

Leadership On-The-Rocks

2011-09-15T04:00:00.003-07:00

For a couple of years I gave German classes to a gentleman in the chemical industry. When I started with him he was head of the marketing department of a multinational concern here in Mexico.

Let’s call him Fernando S.

You know those people you meet for the first time and you just feel okay? I consider it a mayor characteristic of effective leadership, having this special gift of making people around you feel comfortable. It’s the emanation of an attitude that recognizes that you can’t lead without followers and that every follower is a potential leader.

Fernando S. began to have mayor problems with his boss, a classic clash of personalities. I never met his boss, but by then I knew that he, Fernando S., wasn’t particularly skilled in following orders which just didn’t make sense to him.

But he lost.

For the next 6 months our meetings took place in an obscure, last century building, 10 blocks removed from the corporate offices of the company he worked for. Fernando S. was now technical consultant to a department nobody had ever heard of, working in an office which used to be a meeting room, and had to do without a secretary.

And he still made me feel good.

To make a long story short, Fernando S. is now in charge of the most lucrative product line his company sells, working both from corporate headquarters in the U.S. and Mexico-City, supervising production, sales and marketing worldwide.

And he still makes me feel good.

It sounds like a cliché, but life is full of up’s and down’s. And we all have to deal with mood-swings and negative emotional states. But a leader can’t afford to take his people with him on that roller-coaster ride. It’s relatively easy to be excited one moment because targets have been met on time and depressed the next because the world economy is going for a downturn. It takes skill to maintain (at least outwardly) a balance, where the glass is neither half-empty nor half-full, but just is.

A leader reflects objectivity not only when dealing with production quotas, but by managing and influencing his/her own emotional states.

2011-09-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

Advise For Intermediate Students Of A Foreign Language

2011-09-08T05:27:00.000-07:00

First of all, the fact that you are reading this post probably means that your are learning a foreign language, or are at least about to. Let me congratulate you, learning (and eventually speaking) another language requires stamina and discipline, but the rewards are well worth it.

I’m not referring here to a specific language, but any language that you might be learning, and the advise I will give here applies to all of them.

There are two main blocks in a language – vocabulary and grammar. Put in another way, you are building a house, and the grammar you are dealing with is like the metal and concrete structure, and the vocabulary are the bricks you put into that structure. This post is concerned with the bricks, the words you have to learn.

As the title suggests, you have already built a strong fundament, you have a basic understanding of the language, and you are eager to talk – but you feel that you don’t know enough words.

Let me help you by telling you about my personal experience. The second foreign language I learned was English (and I seem to have done well LOL). I was exactly in that position, feeling like chatting away with my friends, but always groping for words. Until I started reading English books…….

Now, I obviously didn’t start with Shakespeare, but I got hold of some cheap novel about Adolf Hitler (of all people…). Somehow, in this novel, they deep-froze his head and surgicaly put in on another, younger body back in the eighties – total crap, obviously, but can you imagine how I felt when I finished the book? Absolutely on top of the world, because it was my FIRST English book, and I understood the story.

Remember, at that time I was on an intermediate level, and I didn’t understand half the words – BUT IT DIDN’T MATTER, I got the story, I understood the plot, and I had fun.

And, something very important, I didn’t TRY to understand every word. I didn’t read the book with a dictionary at my side, looking up a word every 5 minutes – that would have taken the fun out of it, and it is important that you have fun. Again, I understood the story line.

But here is what happens if you do the same. You might come across a word you don’t understand at this point, in a specific context. You continue reading, and a couple of pages later you find the same word BUT IN A DIFFERENT CONTEXT. You are beginning to get the idea, and, after a couple of pages, you find it again, yet again in a different context. See what I’m getting at?

Applying this technique you will learn new vocabulary without being aware of it. It’s kind of contextual learning, very akin to total immersion. And, as in total immersion, do not translate into your mother language unless it’s absolutely necessary. More than anything, it would slow down your efforts.

So, go and grab yourself some cheap paperback and have some fun.

Beware Of Translation Software

2011-09-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

In order to judge the quality of translations made through a translation sofware, we have to take a couple of steps back into the foggy realm of linguistics. Don’t worry, I’m not going to write some theoretical, scientific piece here, everything will be based on my practical experience as a language teacher and translator over the past 20 years or so.

First of all, let’s forget about foreign language and concentrate on how we learn to speak in our mother tongue.

Imagine a toddler touching inadvertently the glass front of a hot stove – the experience is one of immediate pain, accompanied by his mother’s shout (albeit too late) of “ Be careful, it’s HOT!”

That word ‘hot’ for the toddler is nothing else but a sound that comes out of his mother’s mouth. The toddler doesn’t recognize it as a ‘word’, he doesn’t have a corresponding paradigm or concept of it in his brain. But that sound will always be intricably linked to the pain he experienced, the sound (word) will have acquired MEANING.

The process of talking is basically nothing else but going back to our memory files, extracting a paradigm, concept, memory, what have you, and attaching to it the corresponding sound (word) and uttering it. That’s why we are (obviously) incapable to talk about things we don’t understand.

A common mistake made when translating, either a written word or somebody’s spoken words, as in consecutive or simultaneous translation, is to translate the words – it doesn’t work. It would work if all cultures would posses the same paradigms, collective memory, archetypes, etc. But they don’t, that’s what makes us different.

So it doesn’t make sense as a translator to mechanically look into our memory file, the place where we have stored our ‘dictionary’, and simply substitute one sound (word) for another. What a professional translator does is that he/she translates meaning.

And that’s precisely what a translation software cannot do. Yes, it can mechanically, through a series of algorithms, substitute one word for another – but it can’t discern meaning, it can't think!

That’s why automatic translations look so weird – that is, if you speak both languages. But if you speak both languages, you wouldn’t use a translation software, would you?

Translation softwares are basically a hyped-up marketing gimmick, and I recommend against their use.

On Twitter - Define Your Niche

2011-09-06T06:32:00.001-07:00

Success on Twitter is not necessarily defined by the number of followers you have. More than anything else it depends on how much you engage with your followers, whether there is a personal interaction between ‘you’ and ‘them’.

In order for that to happen you have to offer something of value to your followers, and by the nature of Twitter (and the Internet per se) this added value comes in the form of information.

I’m sure there is some area in your life where you are an expert.

An expert is not defined by diplomas and official documents. I’m saying this because you might believe that you don’t qualify for the ‘title’ of expert.

You are, I’m sure of it. And if you are not, become one. Find that area that interests YOU and research it. Give format to your knowledge, write a blog.

And then offer that information to your followers – they gonna love you for it.

Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you into trouble

2011-09-05T05:01:00.001-07:00

To listen to another person is a skill that, in my humble opinion, should be taught at school, beginning right at primary school level.

It’s such an essential exercise. Just imagine for a second the world’s politicians ‘really’ listening to each other. That would imply the effort of actually trying to understand what the other one says. And that not only on an intellectual level, but on an emotional level as well.

It’s an inherently risky business, because the better I understand my ‘opponent’, the greater the risk that I actually would have to agree with him/her, at least partially.

Imagine the prime ministers of India and Pakistan doing just that. Or, in the United States, a Democrat and a member of the Tea-Party movement.

Imagine for a second that both sides would have to repeat, in their own words, what their ‘opponent’ said. And not only that, but they would have to explain it even better than the ‘other’ was able to express.

World Peace would be at hand!

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers

2011-09-04T05:01:00.001-07:00

That quote, attributed to Pablo Picasso, touches on a fundamental subject. And it ain’t about computers.

Science hasn’t come up yet with a conclusive answer to the question on how we humans think. But looking at it from a practical point of view Anthony Robbins for example defines thinking as a series of questions we constantly ask in our minds.

Makes sense to me. And from that follows that the quality of our thinking is determined by the quality of the questions we ask. Ask a dumb question and you get a dumb answer. Ask a smart question, get a smart answer.

“Why is this always happening to me?” belongs to the first category, particularly when taking into consideration that our mind comes up with an answer to ANY question that’s asked on a consistent basis. And it doesn’t matter how absurd the question is, ask it often enough, your mind will find an answer.

Which in the above example might be “because you deserve it”, “it’s God’s punishment”, or “it’s because you’re ugly and smell”.

Seriously now, I can’t really come up with an intelligent answer to that particular question. I can think, however, of a smart substitute. How about “How can I turn into advantage the things that are happening to me?”

The Case For And Against Christ

2011-09-03T03:12:00.001-07:00

Even though I’m not a particularly religious person, I am very much interested in all things pertaining to the beyond and a higher power (if it is only one, that is). I have read widely, practiced religion myself, and continue to meditate on a consistent basis.

Now, take the question of whether the gospels are a true, historic account of the life of Jesus Christ, his crucifixion and resurrection. A very intriguing subject, at least for me. So I shopped around and got a couple of books.

I read ‘The Case For Christ’, where the author, Lee Strobel, interviewed a series of eminent historians on the matter. Finishing this book, I was impressed. It was so well written, with so many historical facts and scientific evidence, that I was convinced: Of course, it’s all true, exactly as the Bible says.

I read as well ‘Holy Blood, Holy Grail´ by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln. What a treat! All three of them distinguished journalists with years of experience in historical investigation and analysis. And it turned out that the whole thing was a hoax, the gospels an arbitrary compilation of what the early church fathers wanted to be put in it.

My point here is, you find well documented evidence either way, and it’s basically just a question of what answer you are looking for.
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By the way, as a footnote, I still haven’t figured out how an atheist, or anybody else for that matter, can prove that something does not exist. I’ll work on that one……
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Why Set Up A Blog?

2011-09-02T04:26:00.001-07:00

Setting up your own blog is technically a piece of cake, but I’m still surprised how many Twitter users have to be ‘nudged into it'.

You want to have a presence on Twitter, and that is NOT exclusively defined by the number of followers you have.

Having a Twitter account makes you one in literally millions, and the background you choose for your Twitter account doesn’t really make a difference here.

You want your ‘own place’, you want your followers to interact with you on your terms, and about the subjects you choose.

And that’s why you need a blog. That’s where you will eventually exercise influence.

There are quite a few platforms, most of them no-cost. I’m personally using this one. Get started, play around some, have some fun – and go from there.

A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it

2011-08-31T05:32:00.001-07:00

Establishing your goals was THE thing of the nineties. Personal goals, business goals, goals for your relationships - you name it.

I was running a business at that time in Mexico-City, and I didn’t dare to brush my teeth in the morning unless I had done my mantras, repeated to myself in an upbeat tone of voice why life was beautiful and I am a winner, and had visualized my short-, medium- and long term goals for that day.

Exaggeration aside, the concept per se is valid, of course. If you don’t know where you’re going you have already arrived, it’s as simple as that.

To drift through life might be attractive for some people, but I just hate to let circumstances take over and determine my course of actions, or, in that case, re-actions.

I believe that to some degree it’s irrelevant whether we reach our goals or not – as long as we have them. They are like a light house on the shores of a rough sea, giving us the direction towards our destiny.

I rather crash having aimed for something than go down at some place where I even don’t know how I got there.

If everybody loves you, something is wrong

2011-08-30T03:17:00.001-07:00

Love, recognition, admiration – heaven-sent emotions!

Mark Twain once said that he could live three weeks on a nice compliment. And yes, it can make your day, at least. I took on a student back in November, and we’ve been working three times a week ever since. Last week he asked me for my secret. He said I was looking younger and younger as the weeks go by! When he first met me, he said, I looked like an old man, and now….! And he actually meant it, he is not the type of guy who flatters people……

‘Walking on clouds’ took on a new meaning for me instantly, believe you me....

I mentioned in an earlier post our addiction to emotions. Same here, it would obviously be nice to feel constantly loved or at least liked.

However, that’s not the way things go. But it does explain the impulse for constantly trying to please people, always with the expectation of a pay-back.

That pay-back doesn’t come, ever. In order for people to like you, they have to respect you first. And nobody respects a person who always agrees, who always is ‘on the same wave-length’, who always thinks and believes what the other thinks and believes.

Love can’t stand on its own – it needs a strong foundation of respect on which to grow.

Leadership On-The-Rocks

2011-08-29T13:21:00.001-07:00

Why Do People Fight?

2011-08-28T05:27:00.001-07:00

Remember the phrase ‘And they lived happily ever after’? Of course you do, because you heard and read it hundreds of times in your childhood. The sad thing is, you didn’t read it in a newspaper, but in a fairy tale. Reality is different, and it doesn’t even come close to fairy tales.

I’d like to reflect in this article a little bit about human reality, the way life really is, and how we can deal with it. To me it seems that wherever there is a group of people that live or work together, you will find arguments and fights.

Fights are not that common in a team that works together on a project in a major corporation. But that’s only because it would look bad to the other departments, here a lot of politics are involved. But that doesn’t apply to a marriage or a family, where most of the time is spent outside the limelight.

I believe that first of all we have to accept the fact that fighting is the norm; it’s the normal thing that happens between a couple or in a family. Look at your own situation, your own marriage. Look around you, listen to the stories your friends and relatives tell you about their lives.
And it just doesn’t seem right. But the fact that we don’t like what we see or experience doesn’t take away the reality of it.

One way of escaping this situation is to live alone and, if possible, work alone. That’s definitely a solution to the problem. The drawback here is that we don’t like that, either. Many people who have tried it prefer to argue and fight with other people than to put up with this miserable loneliness that comes with living alone. As humans we need contact with other humans, we need to inter-act, talk and listen. It’s like catch22, you just can’t win.

It might help to realize that we are on this earth in order to learn how to solve problems. It might seem unfair, but as soon as we’ve learned to deal with and solve one problem, another one comes up. That might be by design, some higher power having a ball with us, or by accident, it doesn’t really matter. Life, at least as I see it, consists of a series of problems to be solved in order to make space for new problems. Agree with it or disagree with it, but just look around you and count the number of people you know who are truly happy and live in harmonious families. Life is meant to be difficult.

But once we accept that life is difficult, that this is a universal fact, that it’s not something that’s only happening to us, that basically everybody is unhappy and striving for happiness, then, in a certain sense, life ceases to be difficult. At least it becomes more bearable.

Another fallacy inherent in human nature, besides the belief that life should be easy, is that on some deep, unconscious level we believe ourselves to be the center of the universe, the axis around which everything moves. And if we don’t believe that, then we believe that it at least should be that way. It’s the human ego that continuously cries out ‘My Will Be Done’. But you see the difficulty arising from this, since everybody believes it.......

Fights, particularly within a marriage or in a family, do always have a very strong emotional component. And our emotions range from fear on one end of the spectrum to love on the other end. All other emotions we find within this range. And I can tell you, the louder a fight is, the more aggressive or violent, the more fear is involved.

It might help to find out first of all where our fears are situated. Remember, fear used to be a very helpful tool for survival in pre-historic times. But in modern times we find that most of our fears are simply irrational. Finding a couple of spare minutes to be with yourself and reflecting on your own personal fears might show you just that – that they are grounded not in reality, but in some perceived threat that doesn’t exist.

In a quiet talk find out what your partner fears most. You will find that that will open up a whole new dimension. It will show you the motivating factor, why your spouse is acting the way he or she is acting. Try to allay these fears, but don’t be too pushy, these attempts of getting to understand your partner better are easily misunderstood.

It’s extremely difficult to show strength of character when in the midst of a fight. But that is precisely what we need in a situation like that. We have to make the attempt to understand our opponent. ‘Opponent’ might be a strong word for your spouse or one of your kids, but that is at least how we feel about that person when arguing, don´t we?

Try to find the strength and put yourself in the shoes of your opponent, try to really understand him or her. It’s difficult, I know, and it gets worse. Because intellectually you probably understand him/her, but have you ever tried to emphatically feel with that person? It is one of the main reasons for fights getting out of hand or even violent – it’s not the disagreement, but the simple fact that one party feels that he/she doesn’t even get his/her point across. He/she doesn’t feel understood on some deep, emotional level. Never mind of not winning the argument, first things first.

I have to try to understand what the other one FEELS about the subject at hand, and through my feedback either let that person correct my perception, or, and that’s the trick, make him/her understand that I get the point he/she is making and, most importantly, what it’s doing to him/her emotionally.

When we are emotionally charged it’s like our reason gets clouded. We might on a rational level even be able to agree with the other one, but our emotions make us literally blind. Once I feel myself really understood, that emotional constipation more often than not just dissipates, and we can get back to a rational level. Be strong.

Showing Your Face On Twitter

2011-08-27T05:05:00.001-07:00

I believe that, online or offline, all communication is driven, at least partly, by my desire to push my agenda. That might sound a little cynical, but there you go. When I talk to my children I’m more often than not driven by my desire to educate them – that’s an agenda. When I talk to a local shopkeeper, I want him to give me what I need – that’s an agenda. Talking to a friend about my problems so that he can relieve me of some of my pain by effectively listening to me – that’s an agenda.

It’s obviously a process of give and take.

Whenever I talk to somebody I’d like to know who I’m dealing with. That’s pretty easy in the offline world, because generally I see that person, since he or she is right in front of me.

Have you ever noticed that when talking to a stranger on the phone, let’s say an employee of your bank who you haven’t met in person yet, your mind immediately conjures up an image of that person, based on the tone of his/her voice? It’s the natural thing to do, it’s difficult for us to develop any kind of trust if we don’t have at least an IDEA of how that person looks like.

Same on Twitter.

I understand the shyness of some people who don’t want to put a thumbnail, a little photo, of themselves in their profile. Most of them use some other image. But the mere choice of that image tells me already plenty about that person.

Again, it helps me to at least come up with an idea about what kind of person he/she is, however flawed that idea might be.

So my suggestion is that you put SOMETHING there. If you are technically challenged, ask somebody for help. But, at least for me personally, I’m really put off by the egg image in people’s profiles. Somehow I feel that those users have something to hide.

Just Do It Gently, Please

2011-08-26T04:11:00.001-07:00

We’re all sinners, in my humble opinion. I don’t mean it necessarily in a religious way. I believe that my great hero, the carpenter from Palestine, just summed up what humanity was by then ready to hear (or not). It’s not always easy to hear the truth.

That’s why they killed Him, I guess.

To sin is not exclusively to outright lie, steal or seduce your neighbour's spouse. Those sins are easy to recognize.

More than anything it means to rarely hit the mark, to give our best only on a limited number of occasions, knowing that with just a little more effort we could do better.

And we know it, at least if we are willing to listen to that nagging voice inside us.

That implies that we need correction, and that correction comes usually in the form of criticism by our fellow men or women.

Nothing new there, that’s how the ball rolls.

However, it’s not so much the criticism that stings. I believe that all of us deep inside know that we are imperfect, and that criticism is usually justified.

However, there are people who do it with brutal honesty. My hallucination is that they get more a kick out of the ‘brutal’ than the ‘honesty’.

People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Teaching English in a Foreign Country

2011-08-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

America might not be as influential in the world as it used to be. The times when ‘Coca Cola’ stood for a whole culture have long gone. And economically the US is still the biggest economy, but serious competitors have entered the scene, like China, for example.

England used to be a world power, but that is something you’d find in history books by now. However, both countries have left their imprint on the world as we know it, and that’s why we find that English is still the most important language in the world, in terms of its use and by how many people speak it.

German, the language of war, French, the language of diplomacy, and English for all there is under the sun. Foreigners meeting abroad try English first when they want to communicate; it is not at all uncommon to find two German tourists in the Czech Republic starting to talk English to each other until they find out that they are from the same country.

But most importantly English has been, is now and most likely will continue to be the language of commerce. This is why students all over the world, be it in Latin America, Africa or China, want to learn English. Their job prospects increase dramatically when they can show in their curriculum that they speak English. And this is why there are always openings for English teachers all over the world.

The market for teaching English as a second language has become kind of crowded of late, to say the least. More people want to learn it, and more Americans or other English speakers want to teach it. This is one interesting aspect of that particular market: you have a good chance of getting into it even if you don’t have prior experience as a teacher.

I’m not referring here to teaching jobs as let’s say a second grade teacher in a private school. There you will be asked for qualifications. I’m referring here to commercial institutes that cater to the needs of foreign and multinational companies that want to teach their staff to answer a fax in English, or attend to some supervisor in the home office.

Mind you, the times where it was just enough to be American in order to land a teaching job have long gone. You will have to meet certain requirements, but they are relatively easy. For one, you have to be ‘teach-able’. That means that most serious institutes around the world want motivated and skilled staff, and are willing to send them initially through a training program of their own.

Since staff turnover in these institutes is pretty high, they want to recover what they invested in your training by paying you a low salary first. Since most people drop out after a couple of month that makes sense for the language school. But you can be pretty sure that if you hang in there and do a good job, you will a. be allocated more classes, and therefore more pay, and b. your hourly rate will go up.

It’s not absolutely necessary, but it does help a lot if you have experience in general business matters, or if you have worked in a corporation yourself. Because you will find that your students are not so much interested in learning English, but to improve their communication skills. There is a fine difference. If they’re able to service a client better because of their command of English, that gives them a better standing with their company and better prospects for promotions. And if you as the teacher can focus on those phrases that are used in negotiations, for example, or in sales presentations, that would help both you and your students. But again, it’s not absolutely necessary.

Problems After Problems – Yuck!

2011-08-24T04:43:00.001-07:00

“The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year.”

I don’t know who said that originally, but it does sound a chord, doesn’t it? I mean, the way I see it life is meant to be difficult, is meant to be a series of problems which have to be solved.

Take a problem, any problem. We only recognize it as a problem because it’s just a touch outside the field of our capacity to solve it. In order to solve the situation, we have to expand. In other words, we have to learn and grow, acquire new skills in order to solve that particular problem.

Once we have acquired those skills, we solve the problem. And henceforth, when a similar situation arises, we don’t define it as a problem, don’t ‘see’ it as a problem anymore, since we have the skill set to work through the situation and go on with our lives.

But then a funny thing happens. A new problem arises, just a touch outside our field of our capacity to solve it and we ………

I guess you get the picture.

I’m convinced that the powers that be never present us with a problem which we are not, at least potentially, able to solve.

Living as a Foreigner in Mexico

2011-08-23T05:20:00.001-07:00

If you’re thinking of moving to Mexico to live there, this article might interest you. It is particularly tailored to those who want to live down here on a limited budget.

After having traveled the world extensively for 10 years I settled down in Mexico in 1989. In my case it wasn’t really intentional, I basically just got ‘stuck’. I found work as a language teacher, tried it out, found that I liked it, and developed myself along that path. Later I set up a language institute in Mexico-City, which I ran for about 5 years before moving to the province. I now dedicate myself to teaching German and English, and I like it just fine.

I’m telling you this so that you can see that yes, it can be done. You can actually start off with very little resources, and by working hard. Mexico is in many respects still the land of opportunity, but you have to know your way around.

If you are a person approaching retirement age and are looking for a place outside the US to live so that your pension would give you more purchasing power, I wouldn’t recommend Mexico per se. Yes, the cost of living is lower in Mexico, but not that much lower that it would justify leaving the US. Unless you want to while away your time on a beach in the south of Mexico, sleeping in a hammock, enjoying the sun and the sea. But that’s only enjoyable for so long. In fact, it wears off pretty soon.

But if you’re a writer, let’s say, or you are developing an online presence in order to make some profit through your online businesses, then moving to the south of Mexico would definitely cut down on your overhead. You can find simple, clean housing maybe close to the beach. If you can do without cable tv and shopping malls, that would be the right thing to do. Just stay away, or better don’t get even close to holiday resort towns like Acapulco and Cancun, to live there would turn out to be more expensive than anywhere in the US.

There are plenty of undeveloped strips of beach along the west coast, between Acapulco and the Bay of Huatulco, for example. As long as you stay away from the mainstream tourist sections, you should be okay.

I would suggest that you at least try and learn some Spanish. You should manage the basics. You have to be able to go to a grocery store and buy your stuff. Many Mexicans in and around the big holiday destinations speak English, but remember I’m advising against moving to those places. Outside these areas English is not very common, and if you move to a small town or village you won’t find hardly anybody who speaks English. He or she that does will find YOU to practice their English. But you still have to go to the drugstore, pay the electricity bill, hire a taxi, etc.

If you fit the profile of the type of person I am describing here, you’ll find a pretty large expatriate American community in Oaxaca-City, for example. If you are not used to living in a foreign country, and you, at least initially, have problems with the local language, you will find that you soon start yearning for some good old American company. As humans we need to talk to other humans, like it or not, and there are many people who have returned to their home country because they couldn’t cope with the loneliness. It’s simply not enough to say ‘Hi’ to a Mexican neighbor every now and again. And if there are two of you it doesn’t really solve the problem, because most likely you’d get on each other's nerves pretty soon because there is no one else to talk to. So either learn Spanish, get some of your friends to come down with you, or find a place where other Americans live.

Teacher Jobs Abroad

2011-08-22T03:41:00.001-07:00

The way I see it, being a teacher is not only a profession, but a vocation. All professions I consider a vocation, like that of a musician to name just another example, involve activities that are based on an inherent talent of the person. Sure, there are thousands of teachers who took up that profession simply because it was convenient to do so, or it was the closest the person could think of as a profession, or maybe dad was a teacher, you name it. They are the reasons why most people choose any job, any profession.

I’m sure that when you think back to your childhood and school years you will remember ONE teacher who had a tremendous influence over you. And I’m equally sure that that particular teacher was born with the specific talent to instruct and form other people, be they children, adolescents or adults.

As a teacher you might acquire new experiences by working abroad. You might be interested in working for a couple of years in Asia, for example. Imagine the wealth of experience and knowledge you would come back with to your home country! You would yourself grow as a person, immerse yourself in another culture, and get to know new religions, customs, develop new paradigms. You would literally broaden your mind, learn yourself. And as a good teacher you know that the learning process never ends, that even as an adult we have to continuously work on ourselves, expand our horizon.

There are a lot of perks involved when working for a serious school or institution abroad. In many cases you get paid less than you would earn at home, particularly if you are from the US or Europe. However, you have to take into consideration the cost of living in that particular country. In dollar/Euro terms you might be earning less, but when you do the math and see how much less it costs you to live there, you might actually be earning a lot more. And many times you earn a comfortable tax-free salary. Very often the school you work for provides you with spacious housing where your employer pays the bills. And there are those schools that provide you with a company car.

As far as the actual work is concerned, more often than not you work with small class sizes, which make your job obviously far more pleasant. You’re able to connect or bond with your students, get them to know in more detail and therefore are able to focus on his or her particular strength or weaknesses. That obviously has a great impact on your job and makes it far more rewarding.

There are for example a lot of primary teacher jobs available in India. All throughout India teaching is considered a respected profession, and, depending on where you live and teach, you know that that is not the case in all countries. New Delhi has numerous renowned educational institutions, but not only that. As in most capitals of the world there are a lot of multinational companies that are actively hiring foreign teachers to either teach their staff English or work with the families of said staff. Particularly India with its booming economy should be a place to check out carefully when looking and applying for teaching jobs abroad – the potential is just tremendous.

Or imagine working in London! You could land a job in a private primary school, working with pupils from a wide variety of ethnic backgrounds. Would that make you a better teacher over time? You bet. And apart from you fine-tuning your skills as a teacher, you’d work from Monday to Friday and on the weekends you could go and explore Europe. The possibilities are endless.

There are a lot of teacher agencies online and off-line that can assist you when looking for a teacher position abroad. They usually help you pick the right country, and they have a list of available vacancies. Good Luck!

Our Mission Is To Help You Get Readers To Your Blog

2011-08-21T10:15:00.001-07:00

You’re obviously aware of the fact that you can have the best blog or site on the Internet, and that it is rendered absolutely useless if nobody looks at it. So what you need is traffic, and lots of it.

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The owner and operator is Darren Merrett. In September 2009 he invited me to partner with him. I’ve been personally involved in the late stages of development of Traffic Ad Bar, the launch in December 2009, and the subsequent improvements of service.

I’ve worked with Darren before, and over time I have come to respect, trust and like him. Besides, and more importantly, he is competent.

Traffic Ad Bar is a hybrid of several types of advertising tools you find on the net, and we are – in one word – unique. After only 23 month of operation we have more than 32,000 members who are happy with our services.

We are a no-cost service with an option to upgrade to get even more visitors. By spending about 15 minutes a day with us you will get lots of other folks looking at your blog or site. Numbers of page views for your site obviously vary on a. your investment in time and b. the type of service you choose.

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My recommendation to you is that you sign up, check us out, and give the service about a week before you reach a conclusion. If you don’t like it, you can always cancel your membership, no questions asked. It goes without saying that we respect your privacy, and should you decide to cancel your membership you won’t hear from us again.

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The Art of Listening

2011-08-21T04:03:00.001-07:00

Life is difficult. Now, most people know that, at least those who have managed to grow up and turn into responsible adults. But on the other hand there seem to be a lot of tools and techniques for those who, in spite of that fundamental truth, have not given up to try and ease the burden on themselves and on others.

There is a lot of suffering around us. And it doesn´t seem to depend on the country which I happen to visit, or the type of people I meet. It doesn´t seem to depend on the affluence or the poverty which prevails in this or that society. It doesn´t depend on the time of day, nor on the weather. It just seems to be there.

We can see it on the faces of people in a crowd. I’m not referring to people who have come together for a common purpose, like celebrating a saints day or demonstrating against the government. Those people wear almost identical expressions, because they are sharing identical thoughts and objectives.

I mean people on the street, at the bus stop, waiting in line in the supermarket. People walking or traveling home from work, waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

There is no common cause that connects them, makes them really feel ‘part of the crowd’. They are essentially alone, sharing time and space with other humans that happen to be in the same place. And there is very little social interaction.

Talking to someone almost always means that you have an agenda, that you want something . You might want to know of that person where the next public telephone booth is because you forgot to recharge your cellphone. You might want to convince your spouse that tonight it would be so much better to stay home instead of going to the movies. That telephone call to your brother, where you say virtually nothing but show him by placing that call that you are sorry for what happened last night.

And, having an agenda, we control our body language, which includes our facial expression, tone of voice, the way we gesture, etc. We are, in a very real sense, acting, wanting to make the right impression.

People in an anonymous crowd don´t do that. They don´t wear a mask, here ‘what you see is what you get’. They don´t feel observed, therefore there seems to be no need to control the facial expression. And it can be a little bit frightening when you look long and close enough, can´t it?

We all carry our burden, some with more, some with less grace. We all, without exception, have our problems. I might be suffering from my overweight, my apparent inability to control my food intake. Now, even though that’s a condition shared by millions around the globe, it still is my own, personal problem, and I feel alone with it. Nobody really understands me.

The same is true for the mother whose 16-year-old son has taken up smoking. That happens to a lot of mothers, true, but she still feels alone with that situation because nobody really understands her.

That’s because nobody really listens to her.

There is a lot of material available today on how to develop and improve our communication skills. They are mostly written for business people who want to get on with their clients, corporate executives who want to communicate corporate values to the rank and file of their companies, politicians who want to win an election. Parents trying to get through to their children, teachers wanting to influence their students, and a lot more. But all of them begin with the most basic, and the most difficult skill: to really listen.

To really listen requieres strength of character. I must be willing to invest the time and put aside my own worries and preoccupations, and my own agenda. I must, in a very essential sense, be willing to forget myself.

A person with a problem is emotionally charged. Imagine that person to be standing in a container where rational thought and feelings share the same space. The more emotionally charged he is, the less space for clear and coherent thought there is. That person could literally be drowning in his problems.

But there is a sure way of lowering those emotional levels. And that is making him feel really understood.

When feeling really understood some magic walves open at the bottom of that container and all that negative feeling is allowed to leave, making space for rational thought. That’s when that person can actually see the solution to his problems, which has, for all we know, been lying in front of his eyes but were covered by all those layers of worry, frustration and feelings of impotence.

What happens usually when I see that somebody is emotionally charged? Let’s say a colleague of mine is in danger of being laid off by the company? I, being basically a person of good will, want to help him and invite him to talk about it.

The moment he starts talking I search my own memory files to see whether something similar has happened to me in the past, whether I have some experience level as far as this situation is concerned. Once I find a match in my files it appears to me that I already know what he’s talking about. And, wanting to be of help, I start to shower that person with good advise, all the things that I did in that situation, and how I solved the problem.

That’s called an autobiographical response, and it’s of very limited use. Because that person feels that he has been relegated to the sidelines while I talk about me and my problems, present or past. And if he would have been ready to listen for advise, he would have asked for it. Now it just seems like an imposition.

Now remember, I wanted to help that person, and the only thing I achieved is to make sure that he won´t come back to me again if another problem arises. I lost an excellent opportunity to diminish suffering and to make a friend.

The only technique that works, the highest level of listening, is called empathic listening. There is a difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy means that I´m available with all my skills and experience. That’s relatively easy.

Empathy means that I forget all that and put myself in the position of that other person, slip (in a figurative sense, obviously) into his shoes. And that’s mighty difficult. But it’s the only way I can really understand (or at least come very close to understanding) of what´s going on inside that person. If I don’t, at least initially, experience his reality and his experience level, I may never know what's bothering him.

All our realities are interwoven with emotions, they are the agent that give spice (or pain) to our lifes. There is no point in understanding the objective problem of that person if I don´t find out what´s it doing to him emotionally, because that’s where he really feels it, that´s where reality is really happening to him. And I have to be willing to suffer with him, at least temporarily.

So how does this work practically? Remember my colleague who is in danger of being laid off by the company? Once he starts talking, the most vital question I can ask is: “And how does that make you feel?”

You see, he might actually be happy about getting fired. He is tired of the stress around here, and he has a better offer from a bigger company lying in his drawer. What´s really bothering him is that his kids will have to go to a different school, because the new company is in a city 500 miles from here, and his boy´s grades had been slipping recently.

I wouldn’t have stood a chance of getting to know all this if I told him what I had done in a similar situation. It’s important to ask for and give feedback. I might not be reading him correctly, and I might ask him, for example “Does that make you feel nervous” so that he on the one hand can correct me if necessary and, on the other, more importantly, feels that I’m really trying to understand him on an emotional level.

And the miracle is ready to happen. Since he feels himself really understood, his emotional level drops and he might see a possible solution for the problem, because he is back on a rational plane.

A lot of suffering in this world exists precisely because people feel alone, because there is nobody to talk to, and those who listen do it very often for their own ends. Many people around the world are literally constipated with negative feelings.

And, let’s be honest, isn´t it a relief sometimes to forget our own worries? That´s the pay-off we get when trying to help somebody by really listening to him. Our problems seem to acquiere a new perspective. It’s not all that bad, after all.

Advice For Students Of A Foreign Language

2011-08-20T04:37:00.001-07:00

First of all, the fact that you are reading this post probably means that you are learning a foreign language, or at least are about to. Let me congratulate you, learning (and eventually speaking) another language requires stamina and discipline, but the rewards are well worth it.

I’m not referring here to a specific language, but any language that you might be learning, and the advise I will give here applies to all of them.

There are two main blocks in a language – vocabulary and grammar. Put in another way, you are building a house, and the grammar you are dealing with is like the metal and concrete structure, and the vocabulary are the bricks you put into that structure. This post is concerned with the bricks, the words you have to learn.

You are eager to start talking in that foreign language – but you feel that you don’t know enough words.

Let me help you by telling you about my personal experience. The second foreign language I learned was English (and I seem to have done well LOL). I was exactly in that position, feeling like chatting away with my friends, but always groping for words. Until I started reading English books…….

Now, I obviously didn’t start with Shakespeare, but I got hold of some cheap novel about Adolf Hitler (of all people…). Somehow, in this novel, they deep-froze his head and surgicaly put in on another, younger body back in the eighties – total crap, obviously, but can you imagine how I felt when I finished the book? Absolutely on top of the world, because it was my FIRST English book, and I understood the story.

Remember, at that time I didn’t understand half the words – BUT IT DIDN’T MATTER, I got the story, I understood the plot, and I had fun.

And, something very important, I didn’t TRY to understand every word. I didn’t read the book with a dictionary at my side, looking up a word every 5 minutes – that would have taken the fun out of it, and it is important that you have fun. Again, I understood the story line.

But here is what happens if you do the same. You might come across a word you don’t understand at this point, in a specific context. You continue reading, and a couple of pages later you find the same word BUT IN A DIFFERENT CONTEXT. You are beginning to get the idea, and, after a couple of pages, you find it again, yet again in a different context. See what I’m getting at?

Applying this technique you will learn new vocabulary without being aware of it. It’s kind of contextual learning, very akin to total immersion. And, as in total immersion, do not translate into your mother language unless it’s absolutely necessary. More than anything, it would slow down your efforts.

So, go and grab yourself some cheap paperback and have some fun.

Important Aspect to Take Into Account When Learning A Foreign Language

2011-08-19T02:38:00.000-07:00

First of all, if you are studying a foreign language in order to pass an exam at university, or you are studying English in order to pass the TOEFL exam, this post might not be of much interest to you. For you to pass the exam, you have to get it right, period.

However, if you are learning a foreign language in order to communicate in that language, please continue reading. You are enrolled in a night course to learn Spanish because you want to relocate to Mexico? This is for you. You are learning German because your spouse got a promotion and the whole family moves to Austria? You gonna love this post!

Let’s have a general look at communication first. There are basically three aspects to it: verbal communication, body language and facial expression/tone of voice.

Body language makes up a whooping 55% of our communication, facial expression/tone of voice 38% and our verbal expression, the things we say (and it doesn’t matter in this context in which language we say them) are a tiny 7%.

Yes, you read that right, what you SAY is only seven percent of your total communication.

Just imagine, somebody tells you that he is really glad that you got that job. However, he spits the words into your face and bangs his fist on the table while he is uttering those nice words. A little exagerated, maybe, but you get the picture – you run! And he said he is happy for you…….

So even when you are talking in your native language, people don’t listen so much to what you say, but how you say it. And the same applies when communicating in a foreign language.

In this context there are basically two types of students. The first one wants to get it all right. He/she is terrified of making a mistake, he has to get the grammar right, and don’t even mention the tenses, they have to be spot on! So what happens in a real conversation, when that student is trying his French on a tourist that asks him for directions – he freezes, and while he is groping for the right adverb the tourist has moved on.

The other one doesn’t care, he wants to help, she wants to communicate. I´ve witnessed, while living in Greece, people having conversations with their Greek friends for hours on end – funny thing was, they hardly spoke Greek. But, and I have to admit, helped by a couple of ouzos, they had a heck of a time.

So the first things I tell my students is that they have to relax. I invite them to do some math. Even if they only speak 10% of German, meaning that they don’t have a clue about the other 90%, through that ‘big failure’ they lose only 6,3% of their total communication! Remember, the words we say make only 7% of what we say. More than anything we speak through our gestures, the way we say things, the tone of voice.

So let me make that same recommendation to you – relax, have some fun! Remember, you don’t want to write a grammar book or a dictionary, you want to COMMUNICATE.

The Addiction to Emotion

2011-08-18T04:54:00.001-07:00

Science has found out that we are physically addicted to our emotions. This is one of the main reasons we always seem to be in the same emotional states.

People have a lot of different temperaments. There is this lady who is always moody, brooding about this, that and the other. You meet this gentleman who always greets you with a smile. There is this aggressive kid on the block, and you fear his violence. There is this boss of yours, and you just can’t please him, no matter how hard you try.

Most people tend to behave in a predictable pattern. It is said that you’re born with your temperament, and that your character is formed over the years. And once character has been formed most people don’t change that much. They basically do the same, say the same, and react in the same manner to a given circumstance. And that’s just fine by us, since we like to know who we are dealing with. We don’t like surprises.

The same applies to us. We don’t change that much, the way we act is pretty predictable to those around us. That’s how we get on with the world and the people in it.

The way we act, the things we do are always determined not by what we think, but by what we feel. No matter from which angle you look at it, the most basic motivating factor for us when deciding to embark on a course of action (or not) is the question on how that will make us feel. Is it going to give us pleasure or is it going to cause us pain. We like to think of us as rational human beings, but most of our so-called rational actions are based on our emotions, whether that happens consciously or unconsciously.

We are not so much thinking creatures but feeling creatures. It’s our emotions that tell us whether we are happy or sad, feel successful or a total failure. And we become, literally and physically, addicted to the emotions we feel most often.

There are parts in our brain that discharge so-called peptides into our bloodstream. These are miniscule chemicals that make us feel the way we feel. There is a peptide for anger, a peptide for love, one for frustration, another one for feeling successful, sad, dejected, on top of the world- you name any emotion, and soon there will even be a name for the specific peptide that runs through your body when we feel it.

And here comes the really dramatic part. Whatever peptide is discharged into our bloodstream, if it is discharged on a continuous, habitual basis, your body, and with it you, will become physically addicted to it.

So somebody who for years has been feeling irritated about everything, even a butterfly flying accidentally into his house, is addicted to the specific peptide that, on a bio-chemical level, causes him to feel that irritation. What happens if this person just can’t find a reason for feeling irritated? There are two ways. One is remembering and focusing on situations in the past that gave him/her cause for irritation. By just conjuring up these images in his/her imagination he/she sends a signal to his brain that it’s time for his fix.

Or she might physically move around the house until he stumbles over a pair of shoes his daughter left standing in the hallway – and that’s enough to fire him up.
A ‘Why does this always happen to me?’ person will unconsciously bump into a waiter in a restaurant so that he spills the drink on her dress.

In that sense, we are all junkies.

And it’s one of the main reasons why we are so predictable. Since we are always trying to feel in a way that pleases our body cells by administering the right peptides to them, we usually act in manner that ensures those provisions.

When the world says “give up”, hope whispers “one more time”.

2011-08-17T05:14:00.001-07:00

I’ve dealt in one of my blog posts with the practical value of faith. This is basically an extension of it.

First of all, I’m not sure whether faith is an emotion. I believe, however, that, if it is an emotion, it is one of a very special kind. It seems to involve both mind, soul and emotional body.

Be it as it may, emotions are a fundamental part in the lives of us humans. I’d like to go as far as to say that it is them that make us human.

A very common human emotion is that of frustration. It belongs definitely into the class of negative emotions, for the simple fact that it feels bad.

However, that doesn’t mean that it is a useless emotion, far from it. Being frustrated means that you are not making the progress you are expecting to be making, and it doesn’t really matter whether you study for an exam or are setting up a business.

Frustration simply means that whatever you are doing feels like you’re doing it not fast enough. A frustration is basically the emotional reaction to an obstacle in our way.

Now, compare that with disappointment. Disappointment means that you have given up trying, end of story, it doesn’t work, I tried long and hard enough, can’t do it - you know where I’m getting at.

So not withstanding how frustration makes us feel, it is essentially a positive emotion. It means you’re still hammering away……

Keeping Your Calm – The Practical Value Of Meditation

2011-08-16T04:19:00.001-07:00

Life is difficult. It always has been and it always will be. And I believe it’s meant to be difficult. We are not as pro-active as we like ourselves to be. We are basically a bunch of hedonists looking for an easy ride. The meaning of life, in my humble opinion, lies in our growing as human beings, and since learning and therefore growing implies an effort which we wouldn’t undertake if left to our own devices, the powers that be throw problems our way, one after the other. Because it’s by solving problems that we learn.

It’s not the circumstances in our lifes that constitute the problems, but our emotional reaction to them. Problems make us FEEL bad.

Our emotions are obviously determined by our thoughts, because if I, for example, constantly focus on my economic challenges, it makes me feel lousy. If, on the other hand, I focus on the sheer miracle of being alive, I sure feel better.

In this post I’d like to focus on a technique that doesn’t teach us how to think positive or how to avoid negative thoughts. But a technique that allows us to distance ourselves from our own thoughts by observing them, thereby liberating us from the consequences of our thoughts.

Way back in the eighties I used to travel the world, and at some point in time I ended up with an Austrian buddhist on the Peloponese in Greece. I turned into a Buddhist myself, which was obviously just another ego trip of mine. However, what I learned at that time I am still practicing today, and it is still of immense value to me.

By now I don’t care whether I’m a Catholic or a Buddhist, and I’m not meditating to find God. I’m basically meditating as a means of survival, so as not to be taken hostage by own emotions.

It’s pretty simple, actually, and at the same time, if you are not used to it, extremely difficult.

You don’t need a gong nor incense sticks, you don’t need to hum mantras, you don’t even have to assume the lotus position, nothing of the sort.

Find a place where you can be undisturbed for 20 minutes. Disconnect all phones, turn off the radio.

Sit on a chair that is not too comfortable, and sit straight, if possible. If your back starts to hurt, move a little, there is no point in ‘going through the pain’. Find a spot on the wall where you can focus your eyes initially.

Start to breath in through the nose and breath out through your mouth. When exhaling imagine that you are exhaling the thoughts that are going through your head at that instance.

Do not try to control your thoughts, this is not some neurolinguistic exercise. Let them come free. (By the way, many of them will be of a sexual nature - don’t worry, you’re in good company.)

Again - because this is vital - allow into your mind all images, memories, fears, wishes, whatever, without trying to control the stream of your thoughts and without being judgemental.

Focus on your exhalation, and imagine that whatever is going on in your head being let out.

Doing this has obviously the effect that you actually ‘see’ what’s going on in your mind and heart – you become conscious. And you begin to realize that whatever goes through your mind is pretty fleeting, very often absurd, hilarious. Keep it up.

Do this, if possible, three times a day for twenty minutes and, over time, it will change you. You will stop taking yourself, and your problems, too serious. You will relax.

Viviendo y Trabajando en el Extranjero

2010-09-25T16:42:00.000-07:00

E n g l i s h

Esta entrada no es un escrito teórico de como te iría si decides a vivir y trabajar en el extranjero. Yo ‘lo’ he estado haciendo por 30 años, era en 1980 cuando salí de mi país de origen, Alemania, y en toda humildad, soy un experto. Pasé 7 meses en la India, viví 3 años en la Grecia, otros 3 en Inglaterra, y por los últimos 21 años he vivido en México. En los años por de medio viajé en el mundo.

No he trabajado con ninguna compañía multinacional la que me envió a estos lugares. Lo he hecho solo, a veces con dinero, a veces sin dinero, a veces acompañado, en la mayoría de las veces solo.

Cuando empecé no tenía profesión. Fui un trabajador, pero estuve (y todavía lo soy) disciplinado. Por eso no tenía problemas en lo general de encontrar trabajo, en la Grecia o en Inglaterra, en los sitios de construcción, por ejemplo, o en los campos de cosecha.

Al principio de los noventas empecé a desarrollarme como maestro de idiomas, ahora hablo 3 lenguas y soy un maestro ‘freelance’ exitóso.

Déjame decirte desde el principio que no era fácil; de hecho a veces anduve en la desesperación, encontrándome en un país extranjero, no tener la capacidad de comunicarme por falta de conocimiento del idioma local – y, para endulzarlo, quebrado.

Pero contemplando los últimos 30 años, no cambiaría mi vida para nada. Si estas de acuerdo que el ‘vivir plenamente’ implica riesgos, expansión de tus propios limites, y – claro que si – sufrimiento, continúa la lectura.

Eres la persona quien le gusta trabajar en equipo, y estas con una compañía expandiéndose y la cual necesita enviar algunos de su gente a sus subsidiarios en el extranjero - ¡hazlo! Hay muy poco por perder, y todo para ganar. Fuera de que eres el primer miembro del equipo para abrir la oficina, serás recibido por tus colegas. Te enseñaran de cómo moverte, que hacer y que no hacer en la cultura particular donde te enviaron. El departamento de recursos humanos se encargará de los asuntos con la inmigración, muy probablemente ya te tienen listo un lugar para vivir, y tus nuevos amigos te dicen a donde ir en tu tiempo libre, cuales lugares a visitar, cuales restaurantes a evitar.

El jalon para bajo en este escenario es que saliste de tu patria solo a medias. Vas a seguir celebrando los días festivos de tu país, y tu estilo de vida en lo general cambiaría poco.

No hay nada mal con eso. Me encontré con muchos ejecutivos quienes habían sido enviados desde su país, y estaban felices. La mayoría ni quisiera regresar a sus países de origen, porque tenían el mejor de los dos mundos – viviendo en una cultura extranjera mientras que disfrutaban todos los ventajas de un ejecutivo con una renumeración mucho mejor.

A la mejor eres maestra o maestro, estas contento con tu vida, pero sientes que realmente no la vives. A veces sientes que ‘estas vivido’, y el tiempo pasa. A la mejor los niños salieron de su casa, y necesitas este reto. No hay nada peor que viendo tu vida diciendo ‘¿Eso es todo lo que hay?´

Hay mucha demanda para maestros en todo el mundo – búscalo en google, encuéntralo – ¡hazlo! Siempre puedes regresar…….

En un nivel personal, con respeto al crecer como humano y aprender, se me hace difícil imaginar que hubiera sido de mi si me hubiera quedado en Alemania. No se de que se trata la vida, pero mientras que estoy aquí lo mínimo que puedo hacer es vivirla. Y eso implica buscar y encontrar mis limites, conocerme come realmente soy, no como una idea rara que tengo de mi mismo. Si te gusta el auto-conocimiento, si estas interesado en encontrar y desarrollar tu potencial, ¡hazlo!

Otro escenario es que o has perdido tu trabajo, o estas preocupado de perderlo. Si tienes ciertos ‘skills’ (habilidades), eres un especialista cuyo conocimiento tiene demanda digamos por ejemplo en la India, la idea de dejar tu país todavía no te llama la atención. Pero mi consejo sería igual - ¡hazlo! En la mayoría de las veces las cosas que nos gustan lo menos son precisamente aquellos que son mejor para nosotros., particularmente si se trata de algo que no hemos hecho antes. Si te atemoriza la idea de ir al extranjero, tus miedos están muy probablemente basados en los chismes de los demás. ¡Encuentra la verdad para ti mismo!

Living and Working Abroad

2010-04-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

Para leér esta entrada en Español píque aquí
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This is not some theoretical piece about how you might do if you decide to live and work abroad. I’ve been ‘doing it’ for almost 30 years now, it was in 1980 that I left my home country, Germany, and in all humility, I am an expert. I have spent seven month in India, lived three years in Greece, another three years in England, and I have been living in Mexico for the past 20 odd years.The years in between I roamed the world.

I have not been with any multinational company that sent me to those places. I’ve been doing it on my own, sometimes with money, sometimes without money, sometimes in company, most of the time alone.

When I started off I didn’t have a profession. I was a laborer, but I was (and still am) disciplined, so I usually had no problems, in England or Greece, to find a job on a building site or in the fields, picking this, that and the other.

I started to develop myself at the beginning of the nineties as a language teacher, by now I speak three languages and I am a successful teacher and translator.

Let me tell you right from the start, it wasn’t easy. In fact, sometimes I was downright desperate, because I found myself in a foreign country, not speaking the language, not knowing anybody, and on top of it, broke.

But looking back over the past 30 years, I wouldn’t change my life for anything else. If you understand that living your life to the fullest implies taking risks, expanding your boundaries, and yes, suffering, then continue reading.

If you are the type of person who likes to work in a team, you are with a company that’s expanding and which needs to send some of its staff to some subsidiary abroad – do it! There is very little you can lose, and everything you can gain. Unless you are the first team member setting up that new subsidiary or field office, you will, on arrival, be greeted by your colleagues. They will teach you the ropes, what to do and what not to do in the particular culture you’ve been sent to. The human resources department will take care of your immigration issues, accommodation will have been set up most likely, and your new friends will tell you where to go in your free time, which places to visit, which restaurants to avoid.

The drawback here is that you will have left your home country only partially. You will be celebrating Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and your lifestyle on the whole will change very little.

Not that there is anything wrong with it, I’ve met plenty of executives who had been sent by their company to Mexico, and they are doing just fine. In fact, most of them don’t want to return, because here they’ve got the best of both worlds – living in a different culture and enjoying all the perks they would enjoy at home while getting paid more.

Maybe you are a schoolteacher, you’re kind of content with your life, but it doesn’t really feel as if you are living your life. Sometimes you have the feeling that you are ‘being lived’, and time just passes by. Maybe your kids have just left home, and you need that challenge. There is nothing worse than looking at your life and feeling ´Is that all there is?’.

There are plenty of openings for teachers all over the world, google it, look for it, find it – and then go for it! You can always come back…….

On a personal level, as far as growing as a human being and learning is concerned, I hesitate to imagine what would have become of me if I’d stayed in Germany. I don’t know what life is about, but I might as well live it while I’m around. And that implies looking for and finding my limits, getting to know myself as I really am, and not some weird idea I have of myself. If you like self-discovery, if you’re interested in finding and developing your potential, go for that ‘stint’ abroad.

Another scenario is that you might either have lost your job or you are worried about losing it. If you have some skill, you’re a specialist whose knowledge is in demand, let’s say in India, then you might not be at all thrilled to leave your home country. But here my advice would be the same – go for it. Most of the times the things we like the least turn out to be the ones that are best for us, particularly if it is something we haven’t done before. If you’re worried about going abroad, your worries are most likely based on hear-say.

Find out for yourself.