4.11.16

"Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time." and other quotes


"There's more to this world than just people, you know."
-Hobbes

"Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!"
-Calvin

"I think animals are alway so cute."
-Hobbes

"I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul."
-Calvin

"I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know."
-Calvin

"To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible."
-Calvin

"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
-Calvin

"I'd hate to have a kid like me."
-Calvin

"I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge."
-Calvin

"If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!"
-Hobbes

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."
-Calvin

"If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles."
-Calvin

"If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again."
-Calvin

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
-Calvin

"What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?"
-Calvin

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
-Calvin

"I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point."
-Calvin

"Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what."
-Calvin

"Do you hate being a girl? What's it like? Is it like being a bug?
I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to comrehend the magnitude of it."
-Calvin

"Childhood is short, maturity is forever."
-Calvin

"If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it."
-Hobbes

"I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway."
-Calvin

"True friends are hard to come by...I need more money."
-Calvin

"Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. Sincerely, Calvin."
-Calvin

"Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!"
-Calvin

"Van Gogh would've sold more than one painting if he'd put tigers in them."
-Hobbes

"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."
-Calvin

"Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?"
-Calvin

"Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination."
-Calvin

"There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is."
-Calvin

"There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!"
-Calvin

"So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?"
-Calvin

"I don't know which is worse, ...that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low."
-Calvin

"When I grow up, I'm not going to read the newspaper and I'm not going to follow complex issues and I'm not going to vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn't represent me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system doesn't work and justify my further lack of participation."
-Calvin

"The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!"
-Calvin

"The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity the tell the difference."
-Calvin

"I hate it when I can't gird my loins with funny animals."
-Calvin

"Everybody I know needs a complete personality overhaul!"
-Calvin

"I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!"
-Calvin

"You know how people are. They only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it."
-Calvin

"History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices."
-Calvin

"It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end."
-Calvin

"The best presents don't come in boxes."
-Hobbes

"As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway."
-Calvin

"Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend."
-Calvin

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
-Calvin

"It's only work if somebody makes you do it."
-Calvin

"In my opinion, television validates existence."
-Calvin

"Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success... ...Flat stretches of boring routine... ...And valleys of frustration and failure."
-Calvin

"Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension."
-Calvin

"What I like is when you're looking and thinking and looking and thinking... And suddenly you wake up."
-Calvin

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
-Calvin

"The good thing about drawing a tiger is that it automatically makes your picture fine art."
-Hobbes

"You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human."
-Hobbes

"I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already."
-Hobbes

"You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!"
-Calvin

"A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do."
-Calvin

"I'M SIGNIFICANT!...screamed the dust speck."
-Calvin

"The worst part is that I don't even have the fun of doing the things I'm getting blamed for."
-Calvin

"Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time."
-Calvin's Dad

"I keep forgetting that rules are for little nice people."
-Calvin


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