Letters To Dear Abby

(Not Printed In Newspapers)

DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.  These two women go everywhere together and I've One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties.  Never seen a man go into their apartment or come out.  Do you think they could be Lebanese? -- Curious.

DEAR ABBY: I have a man I never could trust.  Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

DEAR ABBY: I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years.  It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

DEAR ABBY: I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

DEAR ABBY: Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?

DEAR ABBY: Our son writes that he is taking Judo.  Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

DEAR ABBY: I joined the Navy to see the world.  I've seen it.  Now, how do I get out?

DEAR ABBY: My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years.  He must be crazy.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift?  I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is mean and short-tempered.  I think she is going through mental pause.

DEAR ABBY: I met this nice guy who was in the service.  He's the chief petting officer.

DEAR ABBY: This is the second marriage for both of us.  And when my husband said "I Will" he knew very well he couldn't.

DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years.  We see each other every night.  He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage.  Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? -- Gertie
Dear Gertie: I don't know.  What's he getting?

DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money!  I cut my own hair and make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend.  Meanwhile, he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a cow.  How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our final judgment?  He says he's saving for a rainy day. -- FORTY-YEARS HITCHED
DEAR Hitched: Tell him it's raining!

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month.  I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday.  What do you think he'd like -- Carol
DEAR Carol: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible? -- KAY
DEAR Kay: Only if they don't work.

DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January.  Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl.  They said the baby was premature.  Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? -- Wondering
DEAR Wondering: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.  Forget it!

DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much? -- Curious
DEAR Curious: No, it's the last thing I want to do.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? -- Jake
DEAR Jake: Yes, and also hazardous.

DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women.  Any suggestions? -- Annie
DEAR Annie: Don't worry.  My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it.  Any suggestions? -- SAM IN CAL
DEAR Sam: Yes, Run for public office.

DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write? -- TED
DEAR Ted: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've heard a lot about you?" -- Rita
DEAR Rita: It depends on what you've heard.

DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. -- ROSE
DEAR Rose: So would I.

DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? -- BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and Day.

1 comment:

  1. I'm weeping with laughter. These are hilarious.