10.11.14

Clients From Hell

source: ClientsFromHell

Client: I really want to make a good impression on our home page - I want a rotating banner with big images that span the entire width of the screen. Lots of them flying at the viewer, make it dynamic, whatever. And most importantly, the site needs to load FAST! I like how Google just pops up for me instantly, each time.
Me: Well… If we go with really big images, and multiple ones at that, it’s going to be a bit -
Client: And it has to have music too.

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Me: The first step is to develop a website for  your consumer products
Client: What? No. My daughter, who has an MBA, said the internet is almost full.

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"Can you please make the banner image more clear and less sharp?"

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A couple days after a software install, a client called and complained that our product was completely broken. He threatened to cancel payments and drop the project. Fuming, he refused anything but on-site support (not part of the contract), and claimed the instructions we left him were useless. He demanded we make the three-hour trip today.

I was shown to the client’s office, sat down, and asked what his password was.

"I don’t know the password, that’s the whole problem!"

His assistant handed him the instructions, and pointed to item number one: on all new installs, the password is the user’s last name. After spelling his name aloud for me, I logged him in. He said thanks and I was shown out. 

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 A client called claiming that my email (the last he had received) had carried “trojans and stuff” that had ruined his email. He spent some time shouting unprofessionalism and billing me for the time it’s down. I asked him if the internet was down.

"Yeah, it hasn’t been on all morning. The router is off.  Does the internet need to be on for email to work?"

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