13.5.14

Way Too Many Questions...

I recon you'll get bored after the first 20, but hey...
  • Who closes the door after the bus driver gets off the bus?
  • Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round?
  • What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?
  • Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
  • What do you call a female daddy long legs?
  • If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
  • Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
  • In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?
  • Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
  • Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
  • If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?
  • Why are SOFTballs hard?
  • Do vampires get AIDS?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
  • Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
  • Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
  • If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
  • Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
  • Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
  • Can people without hands get a grip?
  • Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
  • Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
  • What do people in China call their good plates?
  • Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
  • If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
  • Does a postman deliver his own mail?
  • Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
  • If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Why dosent a chicken egg taste like chicken?
  • Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
  • Does peanut butter really have butter in it?
  • Do mimes watch silent movies?
  • Is the fear of flying groundless?
  • Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?
  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?
  • If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
  • Why are boxing rings square?
  • Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
  • Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?
  • Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • Why do birds have white poop?
  • Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
  • Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?
  • Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
  • If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
  • If you accidently ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
  • Do sore thumbs really stick out?
  • Why is it when you're almost dead you're on deaths doorstep, but when you're actually dead your not in deaths house?
  • Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
  • What's the opposite of opposite?
  • If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
  • Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?
  • Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack" ?
  • If you try to fail and suceed, what did you just do?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
  • Why is the blackboard green?
  • Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
  • Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
  • What do you call male ballerinas?
  • How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
  • If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
  • Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
  • Did they have antiques in the olden days?
  • Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
  • If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
  • Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
  • What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
  • Where does the white go when the snow melts?
  • Can blind people see their dreams?
  • What is the exception to the rule that every rule has an exception? Does that make this rule right or wrong?
  • Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
  • Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
  • Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  • If we all evolved from monkeys, how come there's still monkeys around now?
  • Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
  • Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
  • If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
  • Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
  • Why is black history month (February) the shortest month of the year?
  • If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
  • Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
  • Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
  • Why do we leave expensive cars in the drivway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
  • Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?
  • What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
  • Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
  • What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
  • Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
  • If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
  • Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
  • Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
  • What would happen if an Irresistable Force met an Immovable Object?
  • What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?
  • If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
  • How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
  • Why are both male and female ladybugs called ladybugs instead of ladybugs and manbugs?
  • How can you hear yourself think?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
  • Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
  • How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
  • If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
  • If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
  • If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
  • Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
  • Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
  • Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
  • How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?
  • Is Disney world the only people trap operated by a mouse?
  • Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?
  • Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
  • Why is the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star the same tune?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
  • How does santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?
  • If you get cheated by the better business bereau, who do you complain to?
  • If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
  • What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
  • What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
  • Why are turds pinched off at the end?
  • I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
  • If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
  • If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
  • How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?
  • What would you use to dilute water?
  • What should one call a male ladybird?
  • How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?
  • If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
  • If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  • Aren't all generalizations false?
  • Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
  • Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
  • Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
  • Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
  • Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?
  • If so, how could you treat them?
  • Did Adam and Eve have navels?
  • Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
  • Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
  • Do fish get cramps after eating?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  • Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
  • Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
  • Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
  • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
  • How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
  • How can someone "draw a blank"?
  • How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
  • How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
  • How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
  • How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
  • How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  • How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
  • How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
  • How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
  • How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
  • How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
  • If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?
  • If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
  • If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
  • If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  • If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  • If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
  • If God dropped acid, would he see people?
  • How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
  • How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
  • If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
  • If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
  • If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
  • If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
  • If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
  • If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
  • If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
  • If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?
  • If a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?
  • If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
  • If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
  • If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  • If God sneezes...what should you say?
  • If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
  • If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
  • If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
  • If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
  • If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
  • If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
  • If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  • If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
  • If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
  • If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
  • If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  • If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
  • If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
  • If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
  • If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
  • If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
  • If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
  • If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
  • If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
  • If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
  • If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
  • If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
  • If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
  • If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
  • If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
  • If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
  • If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
  • If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
  • If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
  • If you take a shower, where do you put it?
  • If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
  • If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
  • Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
  • Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
  • Is it possible to be totally partial?
  • Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Is there a Dr. Salt?
  • Isn't hot water already hot?
  • Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
  • Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
  • Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
  • Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
  • Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
  • Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
  • There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
  • What came first the chicken or the egg?
  • What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • What colour would a smurf turn if you choked it?
  • What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
  • What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
  • What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
  • What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
  • What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
  • What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
  • What happened to the first 6 ups?
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
  • What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
  • What is another word for "thesaurus"?
  • What is the speed of dark?
  • What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
  • What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
  • What's another word for synonym?
  • When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
  • When people lose weight, where does it go?
  • When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
  • When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
  • When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
  • When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
  • When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
  • Where are Preparations A through G?
  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
  • Who invented accents?
  • Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
  • Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
  • Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
  • Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?
  • Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
  • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  • Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
  • Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
  • Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
  • Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  • Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?
  • Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all stop eventually?
  • Why do bars advertise live bands?
  • What does a dead band sound like?
  • Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
  • If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
  • Why do guys wear underpants?
  • Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
  • Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
  • Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
  • Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
  • Why do they report power outages on TV?
  • Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
  • Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
  • Why do we have hot water heaters?
  • Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
  • Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
  • Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
  • Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
  • Why do you weep and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
  • Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
  • Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
  • Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
  • Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
  • Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
  • Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
  • Why don't you ever see baby pigions?
  • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
  • Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
  • Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
  • Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
  • Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
  • Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
  • Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
  • Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
  • Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
  • Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
  • Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
  • Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
  • Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
  • Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
  • Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
  • Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
  • Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
  • Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
  • Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
  • Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  • Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
  • Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
  • After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
  • You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
  • Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
  • Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
  • Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
  • Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
  • Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
  • Have ex-punsters been expunged?
Did you really get this far?!

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