German or English?

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than
German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English."

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c." Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour
of "k." This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one
less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f." This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with z" and "w" with "v." During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find
it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Double Picture Illusion

Look carefully at this picture, what do you see?
After you make your decision, scroll down for an explanation. 

You saw a couple in an intimate love position, right?
Interestingly, research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario.
What they will see, however, is nine (small & black) dolphins in the picture!
So, I guess we've already proven you're not a young innocent child. Now, if it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 6 seconds, your mind is SO corrupted that you probably need help!
OK, here's help: look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck, follow it up. Look at her left hip, follow the shaded part down, it's another one, and on his shoulder..


Awkward (and I mean awkward) Family Photos



My Idea of Art


If someone were to tell me that the people in these pictures weren’t real, I’d laugh in their face. The truth of it is, though, they’re not. They are creations of a London artist named Ron Mueck, who specializes in sculptures. He used to be a model maker and puppeteer for television and films (for example, he created Ludo the gentle giant in Labyrinth). Now, he focuses on making hyper-realistic sculptures of humans that have museum visitors staring for hour. They spaeak pretty much for themselves.

Success-tips for college students

When missing school due to illness, spend the day watching the Big Bang Theory. It will make up for the day's lack of education.

Borrow money from pessimists. They never expect it back.

When meeting your girlfriends uptight parents for the first time, laugh when the empty ketchup bottle makes a farting noise. It is considered proper etiquette.

To make sure you don't fall asleep studying, play loud music. Your parents will be proud of your determination.

If you have a problem, it can be solved with alcohol. Unless your problem is alcoholism.

Wear pants one size bigger than yours, it will make people think you lost weight.

There's no sense in being pessimistic... it wouldn't work anyway.

Flossing is simply a suggestion and should be treated as such.

When talking, use hand movements that have nothing to do with the situation.

Always use "your mom" as a comeback when talking to someone whose mother has passed away. This will bring back joyful memories of their loved on.

When applying for a job, make your references some of your Facebook friends. Your boss will appreciate your tech savvy.

When talking to a foreign person, try to talk with their accent. It will increase the probability of them understanding you.

If she keeps talking about how she wishes she had a date to the dance, bring up the dozens of girls you've turned down. It will make her feel less alone.

Before you go and blow up someone's Death Star, make sure that certain someone isn't your dad.

When doing the laundry, mix the whites and colors. This will show that you are not racist.

When applying for a job at McDonalds, promise to keep the secret oath, "to bring obesity to America." They will appreciate that you did your research and know so much about working there.

To check that your bottle of pepper spray is full and working, lightly mist your face with it.

A week before going to the dentist, don't brush your teeth or floss. Your dentist will appreciate the challenge.

If you can't win the argument, correct their grammar instead.

Open a pack of gum in class, become the most popular kid in school for a few seconds.