Snappy answers to stupid questions

Why are you so quiet?

  • I'm listening to the voices in my head.
  • Somebody has to be.
  • I'm studying to be a mime.

  • Why?
  • I can't. Tragic Botox incident.
  • I will when you go away.

Why are you always so serious?

  • I'm only serious on the outside. I'm partying on the inside.
  • Always? Have you been stalking me?
  • Because the universe is expanding, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!

Are you mad?

  • No, just eccentric.
  • Why, what have you done?
  • Not yet.

Do you hate people?

  • Not all people.
  • Only people who ask me that question.
  • No, they're delicious with a nice Chianti. (Thanks Hannibal Lecter.)

Are you a snob?

  • No, I'm a slob. That must have been a typo.
  • Of course not. I'm here, aren't I?
  • No, I pride myself on my low standards.

You look bored.

  • Don't be so hard on yourself.
  • This is my rapt face.
  • Only when you talk.

You don't know how to have fun.

  • Sure I do. Tell me when it starts.
  • I didn't know "fun" was a synonym for "loud."
  • You're right, I'm outta here.


  1. making a post note of these...


  2. Hahaha. These are good!

  3. Excellent. Definitely need to remember these.