Real 911 Calls

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller:  I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher:  Do you have an  address?
Caller:  No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks,  why?

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller:  Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher:  Excuse  me?
Caller:  I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came  back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher:  Was anything else  taken?
Caller:  No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick  and tired of it

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 Fire or emergency?
Caller:  Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher:  How can I  help you sir?
Caller:  I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher:  Yes sir, do you have an  emergency?
Caller:  Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put  these chains on my tires and... well.. do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?
Dispatcher:  Help you what?
Caller:  Help me get these chains on my  car!

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 What is  the nature of your emergency?
Caller:  I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher:  This  is nine eleven.
Caller:  I thought you just said it was  nine-one-one
Dispatcher:  Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
Caller:  Honey, I may be old, but I'm not  stupid.

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 What's  the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher:  Is this her first child?
Caller:  No, you idiot!  This is her husband!

And the winner  is..........

Dispatcher:  9-1-1
Caller:  Yeah,  I'm having trouble breathing.  I'm all out of breath.  Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher:  Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller:  I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......
Dispatcher:  Sir, an ambulance is on the way.  Are you an asthmatic?
Caller:  No
Dispatcher:  What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller:  Running from the  Police.

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