What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960
Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of
all the radio stations in Chicago ... we're one of them."
With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three
thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation
Hercules, and still there are some misfits who
continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress.
-- Ransom K. Ferm
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had
years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet,
make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
-- Dave Barry
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom
that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that
sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot
stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit
down on a cold one anymore.
-- Mark Twain
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
without even considering if there are men on base.
-- Dave Barry
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to
learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for
their apparent disinclination to do so.
-- Douglas Adams,
Last Chance to See
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist,
a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the
God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't
-- Quentin Crisp
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between
two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the
imaginary rights of another.
-- Ambrose Bierce,
The Devil's Dictionary
I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick
and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up
in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not!
But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am!
-- Monty Python
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less
confusing that way.
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I
predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile
disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether
I embrace your principles or your mistress."
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when
you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in
what's left of your unit.
-- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine,
the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor
Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To
which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the
lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air
and scatter oneself over a wide area."
-- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone
wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than
-- Charlie Brown,
_Peanuts_ [Charles Schulz]
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but
they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots
in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't the zipper on your pants supposed to be in the front?